Depression Blog.com

I have been depressed all my life. I was finally diagnosed with distymia about 7 years ago. I have been trying different SSRIs and combinations of meds ever since. If a med works, it makes me have the sexual side effects. That made me try prozac with wellbutrin. I liked that combination, but I wanted just one pill. I had also tried just prozac, lexapro, paxil, and zoloft. Now I'm on effexor xr, but I may have to go off it if I get pregnant.

I'm currently on Celexa. I *hated* the problems I had with Zoloft. 40mg. I've also been depressed all my life but was diagnosed with Distymia about 8 years ago. After my father's death (he was 83, died in my arms). My late (deeply loved) husband finally made me see a shrink and I started on the "adventure" of drugs. Finally wound up on Celexa which - for me - seems to work ok. None of them, however, have really helped when in the throes of severe LIFE problems like the recent death of my beloved husband. We were very close; all I had in the way of family except for my (now 30 year old) son. I'm really sinking. At least I know I have to DO something. Anything. Move to Mexico. Take up a life of crime. Retreat to a Daoist Monistary (sp?). Join the Peace Corps. Sigh.

Yeah... I was diagnosed with Distymia in 2002. I was tried out with Lexipro, but all I felt while on that was that i sweated a lot more... I may have been more snappish, sharp tongued, verbally abusive. Then again that may have had more to do with the obnoxious loudmouth who was in my adult ed class with me than the Lexipro.
Eventually I got tired of taking something that the only difference I felt in my self was just being sweatier, so i stopped. I stayed off meds up till sometime around the summer/fall of 2004. When the new girl at my job of 10 years (she has adult ADD) talked me into trying something else for awhile.

This was probably NOT the best decision I ever made.

My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin XL, and i began taking that. I hate the way these meds take 6-8 weeks to kick in. How do I know that what I'm feeling is the meds, or just "normal" being pissed off?

In the end, the Wellbutrin caused numbness in my lower face- my lower lip to be specific- and I used that as an excuse to stop taking it. Prior to that I again experienced being really irritated by stuff that my usual, predisposed way of dealing with would have been to "let ride."

My flare up caused the end of my friendship with the new kid in the office and she is most definitely NOT SPEAKING to me as result.

Try having a chronic low grade depression AND having to live with a daily reminder of personal failure and loss-- Mmmmm, yummy.

Where do I stand now?
I can only afford to see my counselor once a month or so. My last appointment was in December, my next will be in February--so it's more "or so" than it is, "once a month."
I don't know what the Wellbutrin did to me. Was I reacting to everyday stressors "normally?"
If, as a depressed person, my normal response to stressors is to do nothing, be a dormat, procrastinate, etc then my concern about anti-depressants is that I am going to have to learn new behaviors. The problem with that is, that at 50 years of age, I've built a life around my tendency to be depressed, nonresponsive. What effect on my life will my "trying out acting normal" have?

I have seriously impacted my work environment because of my temper tantrum last summer-trying having to work with a former friend who, when she does speak to me, is only to tel me she hates me and the silence in the room we share is so thick and oppressive....

I'm concerned I've been so used to living depressed that I may not be able to cope with non depression, and yet I'm sort of stuck here too because my current situation is emotionally untenable as well.